Testimony of Sanu Abraham (11-Mar-1979 to 27-Apr-2009) - one of the most blessed youths of Bangalore Centre Mar Thoma Yuvajana Sakhyam. It was a blessing to just be around him and to share in his enthusiasm towards life.
I met Sanu 4 years back when we held posts in the centre youth league. That year, our acquaintance grew into friendship and friendship slowly grew into fellowship with the Lord over the past few years. Words can't express the grace of God I've experienced through this chap. Infact I think I have a good understanding of my calling because of this guy. I'll forever treasure his memories.
For those of you who don't know Sanu, here is some information about him. He was an ever cheerful person, who would ensure that all around him were always happy and smiling. If you happen to just look at his face and talk to him, or talk to him on the phone, you'd think, "Man! This guy has it all. I wish I had a life like his."
Over to Sanu now.
The journey of life was going in its full zoom. It was an adventurous journey filled with all sorts of enjoyment until the route took a different turn.... a way through the desert - a desert named CANCER.
This journey started in the year 1998. I was doing my 2nd year nursing at a reputed institution in bangalore. Aged 19yrs - an age of dreams, wishes & youth in its full vigour. An age that I was busy shaping my body at gym. It was amidst all this shaping that I noticed an irregular shape at my upper left shoulder & upper left arm bone as well. When compared to my right shoulder, the left shoulder was a little bulgy. I thought it might be a mistake in me shaping my shoulders at gym. But the truth is that it was a swelling & there a small bony growth on my left upper arm bone which is called humerus.
The pain was immense a kind of squeezy & aching type of pain.The pain used to be at its peak in the night whereas in the day it went unnoticed. I used pain killers to drive off the pain. But as a faithful friend it always glued to me.
My 2nd year exams were nearing. By looking at my pain, my father decided to take me to take me to H.A.L Hospital. There I took an x-ray under the advise of the orthopedic. After looking at my X-ray, the doctor asked me and my father to wait till he met his other patients. He then came over and explained it, without saying that word cancer… 'not yet confirmed'... 'something related to'… 'may be'.
I still wonder what my father went through. I forget how exactly I felt but it was not a shock Nor did it shatter me. May be I was not being serious about it. But I believe God gave the grace to accept it. May be I did not realize it then.
I only waited to get home and yell 'Breaking News' to my friends & relatives. It spread like wild fire. My friends & relatives could not believe their ears.
Surgical biopsy at H.A.L hospital, Bangalore and a whole month's frustrating wait later, doctors could still not diagnose the problem. Numerous trips to other hospitals proved futile too. A family friend from our church suggested Christian Medical College (CMC), Vellore, five hours from Bangalore.
We headed to CMC, where a biopsy was fixed for August 2, 1998 – the day my final year exams would begin. Sigh! I consoled myself as it meant no exam worries.
I was not depressed about my future. It looked blank. God was helping me take everything as it came.
The biopsy result: Osteosarcoma of left Humerus or left upper arm bone - a quick spreading bone tumour. In its later stages, it spreads to the lungs.
During the surgery that followed, doctors removed three fourths of my left upper arm bone from the shoulder. They inserted a steel rod shaped exactly like that bone, into the remaining portion of the bone. They scraped out my shoulder muscles and triceps (that I was trying to build at the gym) which were affected by the tumour by now.
My family and I returned to Bangalore to so I could get my chemotherapy done at Kidwai Memorial Institute of Oncology.
September 1998. My chemo started. Even when studying for nursing, I never met patients undergoing chemotherapy. The word sounded like another course of anti-biotics! I never imagined what its 'complications' would be like. The first 'cycle' was fine.
Before the second cycle, my family got news that my Appachan (grandfather) suffering from throat cancer, was dying. We rushed to Kerala. Appachan had lost speech. He was shrunk to bones and skin, not the man I met a year ago, and when i met him he said he had the thirst of drinking the whole water in the well. I returned to Bangalore with that haunting image of Appachan.
My hair woes began with the second chemo. I lost hair quickly – hair that my people liked and I was a bit proud of. My English teacher called it 'sheep hair' and would rub his fingers into it playfully. And lo! I lost such wonderful hair – so much in one night! Add to it nausea, severe projectile vomitting, loss of appetite.....etc and things only got worse.
I hoped lost hair would grow. To this day, it has not come back. The plus side: I no longer spend money on haircuts!
My world turned upside down with the third cycle. I would vomit so much that it felt my stomach and intestines would gush out of the mouth. Sticky saliva, oral and throat ulcers, urinary tract infections, low blood count… the troubles seemed endless. Every cycle burned me up. It continued till the sixth cycle. One day i remember I was not able to have anything. My father was helping me have my dinner. I tried somehow to have some of the food but vomitted the whole thing out. Upon that my father was insisting me to have again. I was really getting irritated and just out of that frustration I asked my dad, 'Does god have a heart?' My dad did not say anything. The next day morning our church priest visited me & my father spoke about the previous night incidents. He comforted me & said that whenever I go through any kind of pain just look at the cross and meditate upon what Christ suffered. But I had not grown spiritual enough to understand the true meaning of cross & Christ's suffering. My family was shattered. Its daily routine ruined. It hurt my sister's studies badly. Chemo cycles that last six months took me eight long months. Such a relief when they were over!
I did not want to waste time after this. I wrote my final year nursing exams with my college juniors, scored about 60 per cent, and continued my 3rd years with them. I chose psychiatry as an elective, and would travel by bus for about 20 kilometres from home to the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS) for my six months' training there.
One morning, when I was travelling to NIMHANS my bus hit a speed-breaker (a hump) suddenly. I was by the window, and my left shoulder hit a window rod as a result. The skin covering the steel rod inside was thin. A pin-hole injury occurred, probably because of some sharp object attached to the steel rod. I ignored the pain as it was not terrible.
As my final exams were nearing, I found puss oozing from my hurt arm one day. A family friend of mine who studied as my senior & was working as a nurse at a reputed hospital pitched in by & used to dressed up the wound every day. Thanks to her compassion, caring love, support & encouragement. Her presence at that time was very helpful not only to me but also to my family. She was like the elder daughter in my family. The day i finished my final year exam, I came home & removed the old dressing and got a shock.
The steel rod inside my arm had torn the skin and protruded through the wound hole, shining! I rushed to Vellore and got myself operated. A month later, a lump erupted on my upper arm just below the shoulder.
Cancer at it again! Another surgery. A week after surgery, the lump resurfaced at the same spot. 'Multiple recurrence', the doctor said.
Time for high dose chemotherapy! I told the doctor to go ahead. I believed in Jesus Christ, who controlled my life. Prayers by family and friends worked. My body tolerated the medicine well to the Doctor's amazement. It went without any side effects not even a hair fall or vomitting nothing........ Praise God that was a miracle.
When I was taking the follow up chemo of the previous high dose chemo, the lump came back! The previous high dose chemo controlled the tumour quite well. But unfortunately came back again. Three recurrences of the tumour! I was advised a chest x-ray and it had spread to my right lung, as my oncologist suspected.
'We need to amputate your right hand along with the lungs surgery', the doctors said. My father's eyes screamed in agony. He was crushed. For once, I got the God's grace to take that positively. God protected me in his arms. It was like He was taking the whole emotional blow upon himself. The significance of Christ's suffering was being revealed to slowly through circumstances like these........ The best part was that He was giving me the grace to discern the truth. My father asked the doctors to decide the way they would, it was for their own son. My parents were devastated. I asked them to trust God.
If He sent us to the earth, it is with a purpose. He loves us unconditionally. I used to think if God created us then He must be aware of each & every cells functioning in our body. If so then how is that a cancer cell can start growing in our body just like that without God's knowledge. And if it is with his knowledge then He must definitely have a purpose behind it. Since He created everything with a plan & purpose in His mind. If so will He not allow these things for our goodness? I signed the consent form as my mother cried. The night before operation was a funny one. I had a patient in my room from north India. We had become good friends. We used to play cards, crack jokes & all sorts of fun and we really laughed our hearts out that night before surgery.
The next morning, I experienced God and His amazing comfort & joy even as my family and relatives were sobbing by my bedside. Before I was wheeled into the operation theatre, the radiant Ms Mary, a retired chaplain at CMC came by. Her words were really powerful & encouraging. It had a soothing effect in it. She said, 'I can accompany you till the door of the operation theatre, but from there another person will accompany you till the operation table. I thought she would have spoken to some Doctor to take care of me specially...... But she said its none other than Jesus himself & I thanked Jesus Christ for the assurance He gave me through His joy & peace.
When I regained consciousness, I looked for my left arm. It was there! The doctor said they left the arm and removed only the tumour as it was far off from blood vessels and nerves. A fresh lease of life!
I even went through five whole cycles of chemotherapy with not much side effects this time. My doctor got me the best medicine possible from abroad! After that I was symptom-free for the next two years.
In 2003 the tumour came in the same place where it had recurred earlier. My doctors at Vellore decided to amputate my arm this time, after some brainstorming. My parents were dejected, and so were the nurses and hospital staff who knew me over there & were my friends by now. I went through it, with a feel good factor.... Again, t'was god's grace playing the same role again. When I woke up after the surgery, I felt for the hand and saw it was not there. But I felt like it was there!
Doctors asked me to stand in front of the mirror & make myself accept that my arm has been amputated. But I never felt the need to do that since I had already accepted it and I don't know there was never a feeling of loss at that time. I was again put on high dose chemotherapy. By this time I was well experienced to face chemo since I got used to it & also knew how to tackle it.
This time, the chemotherapy was done with a tube inserted into the body. It needed dressing in sterile surroundings. Else, it gets infected and unfortunately I got infected. Its first symptom – High Fever. I got admitted again. Infact I remember I got admitted in an afternoon & that day evening fever started to rise it went above 106 degree and as a result convulsions followed. And I became unconscious, for two days. Doctors lost hope.
My mother had even called the Chaplain of CMC Vellore over to give me my last Holy Communion at about 3.30 am. It is given to patients who are conscious. But I was unconscious! So my mother and chaplain only prayed through the night. The third day I could hear some voices.
Two weeks on, the antibiotics began working. I was told I was affected by septicaemia which means blood poisoning caused by pathogenic microorganisms and their toxic products in the bloodstream - a very fatal condition. Hardly any patients come back to life after this, they said. I returned to Vellore after another chemo cycle too with high fever. My lips,whole mouth & throat got infected. Couldn't eat anything & was on fluids for two weeks. Fever was not coming down since there was no improvement in my blood counts. Doctors lost hope again. Doctors asked my mother to inform my relatives (indicating what was to come – death). This time I was diagnosed as febrile neutropenia a condition marked by fever and decrease in the number of neutrophils in the blood. A neutrophil is a type of white blood cell that helps fight infection. Having too few neutrophils increases the risk of infection.
At that time one day my mom was sitting by my bedside & I was having severe chills & my whole body was shivering as a result of the high fever. Mom was helplessly looking into my eyes & I could read through her eyes that she too was losing the hope & the pain & agony through which she was going through. I looked into her eyes & told her, "Mummy, you don't cry. I can not die like this. Unless & until god finishes His purpose for which He's allowing me to go through this, He will not call me back. And I am pretty sure that God is still not finished with His work which He Himself has started in my life." Wow! I never thought I could say that. I don't know how but I definitely believe there was a divine inspiration from within to say that to my mother. I don't know how she felt after me telling her that but certainly I was being assured time & again by my Lord there are still pages left in the book of my life. Our god is the author of our life and our life is story of His love. And behind every chaotic & indiscriminate events of our lives a bigger story - a divine story is being written.
I told the doctors, 'You have done your best. Give God some time'. Call it a miracle, but everything returned to normalcy. I had tasted the sweetness of God. Such sheer joy! I rediscovered a new self after this, raring to go out to the world and share that experience.
I even got a birthday gift after this. I got appointed as a nurse at a government hospital. It is this God's love that has seen me through more surgeries after that.
Through the hundreds of sleepless nights, pain, my family's tears and friends' prayers, it is the joy of experiencing God that brought me out of death, not once but several times. Recently my doctors told me the tumour has spread to my lungs, but I continue living with the love of God. And enjoy living.
I meet many people, and speak about Him. Cancer patients, prayer groups, friends, families. He is helping me journey this desert. He is quenching my thirst.
- Sanu Abraham (18-Dec-2008)
Sanu's parents and sister need all our prayers to go through the tough times now. Please do continue to uphold his family in prayers.
I met Sanu 4 years back when we held posts in the centre youth league. That year, our acquaintance grew into friendship and friendship slowly grew into fellowship with the Lord over the past few years. Words can't express the grace of God I've experienced through this chap. Infact I think I have a good understanding of my calling because of this guy. I'll forever treasure his memories.
For those of you who don't know Sanu, here is some information about him. He was an ever cheerful person, who would ensure that all around him were always happy and smiling. If you happen to just look at his face and talk to him, or talk to him on the phone, you'd think, "Man! This guy has it all. I wish I had a life like his."
Over to Sanu now.
The journey of life was going in its full zoom. It was an adventurous journey filled with all sorts of enjoyment until the route took a different turn.... a way through the desert - a desert named CANCER.
This journey started in the year 1998. I was doing my 2nd year nursing at a reputed institution in bangalore. Aged 19yrs - an age of dreams, wishes & youth in its full vigour. An age that I was busy shaping my body at gym. It was amidst all this shaping that I noticed an irregular shape at my upper left shoulder & upper left arm bone as well. When compared to my right shoulder, the left shoulder was a little bulgy. I thought it might be a mistake in me shaping my shoulders at gym. But the truth is that it was a swelling & there a small bony growth on my left upper arm bone which is called humerus.
The pain was immense a kind of squeezy & aching type of pain.The pain used to be at its peak in the night whereas in the day it went unnoticed. I used pain killers to drive off the pain. But as a faithful friend it always glued to me.
My 2nd year exams were nearing. By looking at my pain, my father decided to take me to take me to H.A.L Hospital. There I took an x-ray under the advise of the orthopedic. After looking at my X-ray, the doctor asked me and my father to wait till he met his other patients. He then came over and explained it, without saying that word cancer… 'not yet confirmed'... 'something related to'… 'may be'.
I still wonder what my father went through. I forget how exactly I felt but it was not a shock Nor did it shatter me. May be I was not being serious about it. But I believe God gave the grace to accept it. May be I did not realize it then.
I only waited to get home and yell 'Breaking News' to my friends & relatives. It spread like wild fire. My friends & relatives could not believe their ears.
Surgical biopsy at H.A.L hospital, Bangalore and a whole month's frustrating wait later, doctors could still not diagnose the problem. Numerous trips to other hospitals proved futile too. A family friend from our church suggested Christian Medical College (CMC), Vellore, five hours from Bangalore.
We headed to CMC, where a biopsy was fixed for August 2, 1998 – the day my final year exams would begin. Sigh! I consoled myself as it meant no exam worries.
I was not depressed about my future. It looked blank. God was helping me take everything as it came.
The biopsy result: Osteosarcoma of left Humerus or left upper arm bone - a quick spreading bone tumour. In its later stages, it spreads to the lungs.
During the surgery that followed, doctors removed three fourths of my left upper arm bone from the shoulder. They inserted a steel rod shaped exactly like that bone, into the remaining portion of the bone. They scraped out my shoulder muscles and triceps (that I was trying to build at the gym) which were affected by the tumour by now.
My family and I returned to Bangalore to so I could get my chemotherapy done at Kidwai Memorial Institute of Oncology.
September 1998. My chemo started. Even when studying for nursing, I never met patients undergoing chemotherapy. The word sounded like another course of anti-biotics! I never imagined what its 'complications' would be like. The first 'cycle' was fine.
Before the second cycle, my family got news that my Appachan (grandfather) suffering from throat cancer, was dying. We rushed to Kerala. Appachan had lost speech. He was shrunk to bones and skin, not the man I met a year ago, and when i met him he said he had the thirst of drinking the whole water in the well. I returned to Bangalore with that haunting image of Appachan.
My hair woes began with the second chemo. I lost hair quickly – hair that my people liked and I was a bit proud of. My English teacher called it 'sheep hair' and would rub his fingers into it playfully. And lo! I lost such wonderful hair – so much in one night! Add to it nausea, severe projectile vomitting, loss of appetite.....etc and things only got worse.
I hoped lost hair would grow. To this day, it has not come back. The plus side: I no longer spend money on haircuts!
My world turned upside down with the third cycle. I would vomit so much that it felt my stomach and intestines would gush out of the mouth. Sticky saliva, oral and throat ulcers, urinary tract infections, low blood count… the troubles seemed endless. Every cycle burned me up. It continued till the sixth cycle. One day i remember I was not able to have anything. My father was helping me have my dinner. I tried somehow to have some of the food but vomitted the whole thing out. Upon that my father was insisting me to have again. I was really getting irritated and just out of that frustration I asked my dad, 'Does god have a heart?' My dad did not say anything. The next day morning our church priest visited me & my father spoke about the previous night incidents. He comforted me & said that whenever I go through any kind of pain just look at the cross and meditate upon what Christ suffered. But I had not grown spiritual enough to understand the true meaning of cross & Christ's suffering. My family was shattered. Its daily routine ruined. It hurt my sister's studies badly. Chemo cycles that last six months took me eight long months. Such a relief when they were over!
I did not want to waste time after this. I wrote my final year nursing exams with my college juniors, scored about 60 per cent, and continued my 3rd years with them. I chose psychiatry as an elective, and would travel by bus for about 20 kilometres from home to the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS) for my six months' training there.
One morning, when I was travelling to NIMHANS my bus hit a speed-breaker (a hump) suddenly. I was by the window, and my left shoulder hit a window rod as a result. The skin covering the steel rod inside was thin. A pin-hole injury occurred, probably because of some sharp object attached to the steel rod. I ignored the pain as it was not terrible.
As my final exams were nearing, I found puss oozing from my hurt arm one day. A family friend of mine who studied as my senior & was working as a nurse at a reputed hospital pitched in by & used to dressed up the wound every day. Thanks to her compassion, caring love, support & encouragement. Her presence at that time was very helpful not only to me but also to my family. She was like the elder daughter in my family. The day i finished my final year exam, I came home & removed the old dressing and got a shock.
The steel rod inside my arm had torn the skin and protruded through the wound hole, shining! I rushed to Vellore and got myself operated. A month later, a lump erupted on my upper arm just below the shoulder.
Cancer at it again! Another surgery. A week after surgery, the lump resurfaced at the same spot. 'Multiple recurrence', the doctor said.
Time for high dose chemotherapy! I told the doctor to go ahead. I believed in Jesus Christ, who controlled my life. Prayers by family and friends worked. My body tolerated the medicine well to the Doctor's amazement. It went without any side effects not even a hair fall or vomitting nothing........ Praise God that was a miracle.
When I was taking the follow up chemo of the previous high dose chemo, the lump came back! The previous high dose chemo controlled the tumour quite well. But unfortunately came back again. Three recurrences of the tumour! I was advised a chest x-ray and it had spread to my right lung, as my oncologist suspected.
'We need to amputate your right hand along with the lungs surgery', the doctors said. My father's eyes screamed in agony. He was crushed. For once, I got the God's grace to take that positively. God protected me in his arms. It was like He was taking the whole emotional blow upon himself. The significance of Christ's suffering was being revealed to slowly through circumstances like these........ The best part was that He was giving me the grace to discern the truth. My father asked the doctors to decide the way they would, it was for their own son. My parents were devastated. I asked them to trust God.
If He sent us to the earth, it is with a purpose. He loves us unconditionally. I used to think if God created us then He must be aware of each & every cells functioning in our body. If so then how is that a cancer cell can start growing in our body just like that without God's knowledge. And if it is with his knowledge then He must definitely have a purpose behind it. Since He created everything with a plan & purpose in His mind. If so will He not allow these things for our goodness? I signed the consent form as my mother cried. The night before operation was a funny one. I had a patient in my room from north India. We had become good friends. We used to play cards, crack jokes & all sorts of fun and we really laughed our hearts out that night before surgery.
The next morning, I experienced God and His amazing comfort & joy even as my family and relatives were sobbing by my bedside. Before I was wheeled into the operation theatre, the radiant Ms Mary, a retired chaplain at CMC came by. Her words were really powerful & encouraging. It had a soothing effect in it. She said, 'I can accompany you till the door of the operation theatre, but from there another person will accompany you till the operation table. I thought she would have spoken to some Doctor to take care of me specially...... But she said its none other than Jesus himself & I thanked Jesus Christ for the assurance He gave me through His joy & peace.
When I regained consciousness, I looked for my left arm. It was there! The doctor said they left the arm and removed only the tumour as it was far off from blood vessels and nerves. A fresh lease of life!
I even went through five whole cycles of chemotherapy with not much side effects this time. My doctor got me the best medicine possible from abroad! After that I was symptom-free for the next two years.
In 2003 the tumour came in the same place where it had recurred earlier. My doctors at Vellore decided to amputate my arm this time, after some brainstorming. My parents were dejected, and so were the nurses and hospital staff who knew me over there & were my friends by now. I went through it, with a feel good factor.... Again, t'was god's grace playing the same role again. When I woke up after the surgery, I felt for the hand and saw it was not there. But I felt like it was there!
Doctors asked me to stand in front of the mirror & make myself accept that my arm has been amputated. But I never felt the need to do that since I had already accepted it and I don't know there was never a feeling of loss at that time. I was again put on high dose chemotherapy. By this time I was well experienced to face chemo since I got used to it & also knew how to tackle it.
This time, the chemotherapy was done with a tube inserted into the body. It needed dressing in sterile surroundings. Else, it gets infected and unfortunately I got infected. Its first symptom – High Fever. I got admitted again. Infact I remember I got admitted in an afternoon & that day evening fever started to rise it went above 106 degree and as a result convulsions followed. And I became unconscious, for two days. Doctors lost hope.
My mother had even called the Chaplain of CMC Vellore over to give me my last Holy Communion at about 3.30 am. It is given to patients who are conscious. But I was unconscious! So my mother and chaplain only prayed through the night. The third day I could hear some voices.
Two weeks on, the antibiotics began working. I was told I was affected by septicaemia which means blood poisoning caused by pathogenic microorganisms and their toxic products in the bloodstream - a very fatal condition. Hardly any patients come back to life after this, they said. I returned to Vellore after another chemo cycle too with high fever. My lips,whole mouth & throat got infected. Couldn't eat anything & was on fluids for two weeks. Fever was not coming down since there was no improvement in my blood counts. Doctors lost hope again. Doctors asked my mother to inform my relatives (indicating what was to come – death). This time I was diagnosed as febrile neutropenia a condition marked by fever and decrease in the number of neutrophils in the blood. A neutrophil is a type of white blood cell that helps fight infection. Having too few neutrophils increases the risk of infection.
At that time one day my mom was sitting by my bedside & I was having severe chills & my whole body was shivering as a result of the high fever. Mom was helplessly looking into my eyes & I could read through her eyes that she too was losing the hope & the pain & agony through which she was going through. I looked into her eyes & told her, "Mummy, you don't cry. I can not die like this. Unless & until god finishes His purpose for which He's allowing me to go through this, He will not call me back. And I am pretty sure that God is still not finished with His work which He Himself has started in my life." Wow! I never thought I could say that. I don't know how but I definitely believe there was a divine inspiration from within to say that to my mother. I don't know how she felt after me telling her that but certainly I was being assured time & again by my Lord there are still pages left in the book of my life. Our god is the author of our life and our life is story of His love. And behind every chaotic & indiscriminate events of our lives a bigger story - a divine story is being written.
I told the doctors, 'You have done your best. Give God some time'. Call it a miracle, but everything returned to normalcy. I had tasted the sweetness of God. Such sheer joy! I rediscovered a new self after this, raring to go out to the world and share that experience.
I even got a birthday gift after this. I got appointed as a nurse at a government hospital. It is this God's love that has seen me through more surgeries after that.
Through the hundreds of sleepless nights, pain, my family's tears and friends' prayers, it is the joy of experiencing God that brought me out of death, not once but several times. Recently my doctors told me the tumour has spread to my lungs, but I continue living with the love of God. And enjoy living.
I meet many people, and speak about Him. Cancer patients, prayer groups, friends, families. He is helping me journey this desert. He is quenching my thirst.
- Sanu Abraham (18-Dec-2008)
Sanu's parents and sister need all our prayers to go through the tough times now. Please do continue to uphold his family in prayers.
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